There is so much talk about the goals we have planned for the new year. We’ve discussed our plans to lose weight, to travel, to become a better person, to go back and finish getting that college degree, opening a new business, and so on and so forth, but what about our relationship goals. Are you currently in relationships that you no longer want to be in for the new year or are you willing to risk a whole new year to see if things will change? Since you’re here let’s talk about it.
Throughout our lives we engage in several relationships, some more than others but in any event, we all go through some things in these relationships that we either learn from or allow to tear us completely down and when I say down, I mean down, down. I came to chat with you ladies about some of these relationships and why some of them may have to be left in the year 2017.
First let’s start with the love relationships you have with your man. Now only speaking from experience I’ll tell you that most of the time these relationships can be the hardest to walk away from when things are not going great, for several different reasons:
You feel you’ve invested to much time to just throw it all away.
You don’t want to start over.
You feel he can change.
There may be a child involved.
You feel there is no other guy out there for you.
You love him and don’t want anybody else to have him.
Listen, I could go on and on, but I think you guys get the picture. Even though women stay in relationships because they feel the reasons above are legitimate reasons, I am here to tell you that none of them really worked for me because things didn’t get better they got worse, so worse that the relationship became toxic. Being in a toxic relationship is detrimental to your health and your life. I told myself that things would change year after year and I used the reasons above to keep the relationship going but, I was siking myself out because deep down inside I knew things were not working out. How many of you ladies right now feel deep down inside that things are not going great in your relationship? How many of you are using the reasons up above to stay in toxic relationships?
Because of the reasons above I stayed in toxic relationship for a decade. 2 years turned into 4 years, 4 years turned into 6 years, 6 years turned into 8 years, and 8 years into 11 years. 11 years of pure mental, emotional, and physical toxicity. Once I got out of the relationship I thought about “what my life would have been like” if I had gotten out sooner. So many times, I told my self “This is the last year, I can’t take it anymore” but I stayed hoping things would get better but also knowing it wouldn’t. I prayed and asked God for guidance but I was selfish because I wanted the relationship more. Even when God showed me that getting out was the best result, I still stayed, SELFISH little old me. Once I got out there was so much that I had to overcome mentally. I was a prisoner in my own mind because I let the effects of the relationship follow me. My emotions were all over the place and so was my life. But again, what would life have been like if I had gotten out 6 or 7 years before? It took a lot of prayer, resilience, life changes, and mind conditioning, to get to where I am today. Ask yourself this question if you are in a relationship full of toxicity right now ladies. How many years are you willing to waste on a relationship that’s going no where? Is your emotional, mental, and physical health worth it?
Now what about my ladies who have been in a relationship with a guy and it seems things are going great, but he won’t pop the big question? I believe that if you are going to date someone you need to be dating with a purpose. I didn’t realize this when I was dating but now that I’m older and wiser I understand this fully. DON’T DATE WITHOUT PURPOSE! And make sure that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to why you both are dating. Being in just a boyfriend girlfriend relationship should not be the lasting effect of a relationship. If you have been with someone for 3 or 4 years and still no ring, then maybe you both should have a sit down to figure out where the relationship is going before the new year approaches. I don’t think being in a relationship 5 to 9 years and no ring is goals ladies, honestly. The lasting effect of a purposeful relationship should be marriage, in my opinion.
Again, this is just me speaking from experience. Everyone handles their situations differently but if you are in a toxic relationship you must get out and go into the new year expecting more for yourself. Getting out of the relationship may not be easy but if you want better for yourself and your life you are going to have to make the decision today to step out on faith. God will guide you every step of the way. And just know ladies, that there is a mate out there for you, just waiting for God to tell them when to move. Be patient and use your singleness to work on YOU so that you are ready when he comes into your life.
Look at the picture above. How many of you ladies can relate? Going into this new year do you feel you need to change your circle of friends? Now I won’t tell you that leaving certain friends in 2017 will be easy but it may not be has hard as letting go of a love relationship but again, everyone is different, and they deal with certain situations differently…. Let’s get into it shall we.
“Girl you know you are not going to get that job, lol”
“Girl you will never find a man, lol”
“Girl you think you are a goody to shoes, lol”
“I don’t feel you need to apply for that position”
“Why would you get a new model year car, you should get the older model”
Sound familiar? I have heard a friend or two mouth these words and much more. I also realized that some friendships can be just as toxic as some love relationships. The statements above are sometimes unrecognizable in friendships and sometimes when they do become recognizable, the fan has already hit the ceiling.
In my experience with friendships the statements above were made on a regular basis but were unrecognizable because the statements were either made in a jokingly way or in a way to make me think that the friend really had my best interest at heart. I soon found out that the things being said was how they really felt and they didn’t have my best interest at heart. Listen ladies, we all want friends that support us as much as we support them, and we want friends that we can confide in. We don’t want friends who secretly dislike us, are jealous of our successes, or who gossip about us behind our backs but unfortunately it happens.
I won’t go into detail about the events, so many years ago, that led me to leave friendships behind, but it is great to recognize when a friendship is not much of a friendship.
- If you have a friend or friends that are constantly negative when you talk to them, then that may not be the right friendship for you.
- If you have a friend or friends who constantly put you down in a jokingly way, then that may not be the friendship for you.
- If you have a friend or friends who criticizes all your decisions, like buying a newer model car, taking a higher position on your job, or opening a business, then that may not be the right friendship for you.
- If you have a friend or friends that gossip all the time about one another or others, then that may not be the right friendship for you.
In the new year, ladies, you must get rid of any negativity that has you surrounded. Especially if you are motivated and ready to take the new year to a whole new level. You don’t have to wait until issues start to boil to leave the friendship because that may make matters worse. Instead just have a mature sit down with the friend or friends and try to get them to understand why the friendship is no longer working. They may seem as if they don’t understand but they really do. In fact, they may need to work out some issues within themselves (But that’s another story). You parting ways with them could only do two things: make them realize they lost a good friend and change future friendships or they could just continue on as if nothing ever happened. Either way you’ll be good because leaving the friendship not only taught you a lesson but you’re free from all the negativity. Walking away from friendships that were not healthy for me was the best thing for me to do. I was hurt once I realized what was really happening in the friendship because the friend was like a sister to me, but it wasn’t hard for me to walk away. Even though it was not hard for me to walk away it may not be the same for someone else because everybody handles their issues differently.
Every failed relationship with friends or lovers should always be a learning experience. One thing I want every woman to do is to always follow your “INTUITION”. I like to think of my intuition as “DISCERNMENT”, meaning “the ability to judge well; perception in the absence of judgement with a view to obtaining spiritual direction…part of the reason I am who I am today is because of my intuition. Follow your intuition ladies, it’s one of your greatest gift from God and it will never steer you wrong. As we sally forth into this new year, the year of 2018, I would like to leave a prayer for my readers:
Dear Heavenly father,
As we go into this new year I ask that you give us the courage and strength we need to break away from every relationship that is toxic to our lives and especially toxic to our walk with you. I ask that you connect us with individuals who have our best interests emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically. I ask that you strengthen our walk with you in this new year. I ask that throughout every trial and every error we trust you and we trust the process that you have for our lives. I ask that you give us wisdom and guidance as we open our businesses, enroll in colleges, build new relationships, relocate to different places, write our books, and so much more. Cast down every spirit of fear, procrastination, mental illness, sickness, substance abuse, anger, negativity, gossip, and confusion right now. If we have done anything that is not like you, I ask that you forgive us. I Jesus name I humbly pray,